|I took this picture because I had forgotten that I had a baby ~ This happened every day|
The next day Matt went out to golf with his father, uncle, and cousin to celabrate in Coronado. By mid day I had lost my mind entirely. “Mom, Matt has died. I am finished without him,” I cried. “Maggie honey what are you talking about?” “He is golfing, he is fine,” she said worried. “No mom I know he is dead. You don’t know what I see.” I went on like this for a what seemed liked eternity. She called Matt and reported the horrible news. “Matt get home right now. Maggie very sick and we need to get her help right away.” Mom called my psychiatarist but it was the weekend. There was only an anwering machine. I was getting worse by the second. I was in a complete pyschosis. I can’t tell you how scary it is to think things are really happening but they are not. It makes my first episode back in 1996 look like a cakewalk. I thought there was an ambulance on it’s way to pick up Matt’s dead body. I heard the sirens blaring in the distance as my mom kept trying to shake me out of my shocking state. I didn’t hear a thing she said though and only looked down seeing Matt’s motionless body before me. I thought nothing that I had a baby girl in the next room sleeping peacefully and that things really were alright. To me life was over. I had just lost the love of my life, my everything. I then looked up and saw the fire trucks outside and the paramedics rushing up to my home and pushing by my mother to Matt’s body. They put him on a strecher and some how got him breathing. Which was impossible because he had been dead at least five minutes. “Mom,” I screamed. “I have to follow them.” “Mags,” she pleaded with me. “There is nobody there. Trust me honey everything is alright. Nobody is dead. You are with me and Allison your baby girl.” I heard none of it. I just kept on going into this deep dark pychosis that I now was trapped in and only saw what my brain was making up. I heard the ambulance pulling away with Matt and the sirens fade.