My daughter Allie ~ next baseball fan!
|My family sitting in the Padres dugout!|
I love baseball...well maybe not as much as my husband or my best friend Carrie, but I still love it. From the time I was five years old I played baseball. No, not softball but baseball. My mom didn't want to have my brother and I on two different teams so she stuck us both in little league. I got the shortstop position by accident. In practice my Uncle Dick put me there to try me out. The ball was hit into the air pretty hard and I just happen to put my glove up and the ball smacked in. It was fun playing with all the boys. They were all rowdy and rough. They made me feel the need to prove myself, to be tough, to have courage, to play the game. As the years went on I hung in there with them. The more flack I would get from the opposing team about being a girl the better I got at surviving and growing stronger. In 7th grade my mom gave me a Swatch for every home run. By the end of the season I had 6 Swatches up my arm. I got to play on the All Star team with the boys which was very scary but so cool to look back on. By the time high school came well yes the huge divide happens. Which yes, that is a good thing! I then put aside my bat and glove for my spikes and running shoes. Years later when I met Matt and we moved to San Diego I became a Padre fan. In 1998 The Pads went to the World Series against the New York Yankees. Matt went to the game with his cousin BIG John. They had seats on the field level third base side which were awesome but got even better when BIG John broke the seat and they were moved right behind home plate! Throughout the years Matt and I have watched lots of ball games in San Diego. Baseball makes people come alive, have memories and brings a community together. Last night Matt and I were talking about Spring Training. "Matt," I said. "Why on earth did you take us to Spring Training when I was in a full blown manic episode and Allie was 4 months old?!" "Mag, baseball is relaxing. I needed an escape from our awful situation. That weekend gave me a break. Baseball does that for me!" Today I couldn't stop thinking about what Matt said. Yes, baseball is a great escape and yes, it is relaxing! Go to the ballpark this spring, take in the smells, sights, and PLAY BALL!
|Photograph taken for the Moscow Paper ~ The last for my sports career|
Yes it may seem odd that I am writing about sports. I can't sleep with a darn with my mind racing in a million different directions. I just finished the movie Moneyball. If you have not seen it ~ trust me watch. It is a movie about heart, a different belief system, how to think outside the box, how to win without all the money! I really thought my life was going to be about winning the gold medal, yes in the Olympics...where else and getting all the money! I used to write in my journal late every night on how I was going to get there, which school I might sign with, then yes making it to the last level ~ THE GOLD. Well as you well know I didn't get anywhere close to that dream. It was crushed by a little thing called Bipolar. I didn't sign up for this life! The one of stress, worry, crying daily, feeling like I am on speed, then the next moment wanting to end it all. Yes I got the gold prize for winning Bipolar 1 - yes the severe kind. Who knew though that by winning this illness I would WIN the lottery of all time...my husband Matt, my daughter Allie, and a relationship with Christ. That my friends is better than any gold medal hanging in a case. I will keep helping others with this rotten illness because I want to WIN this battle. I want to conquer and crush it. I want the rest of America to accept it and not fear it. So with all the sports stuff way down deep inside me I will run faster in that last 100 meters cross the tape once again but not on the track ~ but one of beating this stigma. I will raise the bar to new heights. Watch out America here I come!