Wednesday, February 15, 2012

I want a nothing box! Is that too much to ask?

Matt in his NOTHING BOX!

Tonight is one of those nights where my brain is racing like 200 miles an hour.   Don't worry people I haven't skipped days of medication or changed anything for that matter.  My brain is just on speed mode.  Yes I must admit I like it when I am like this during the day because I get a ton done.  More than most if I am honest.  As for the down side though I can't get it to quiet at night.  I just took sleeping meds.  So far no luck.  If feels like I could go on a 10 mile run, come back scrub the entire house, weed the yard, cook a feast, well do anything for that matter.  Stop ~ don't worry I will do none of the above.  I know that is the mania part of my brain just talking away.  It would be nice to have a nothing box.  Where my brain would just relax and not think of anything for like a single moment.  My best friend Carrie always jokes about a nothing box.  I WANT THAT!  Can I buy one somewhere.  That would be nice.  How much do they cost?  Oh, silly me they are not real or maybe they are?  I can hear Matt snoring away.  He must have a awesome nothing box.  I think he goes there while he zones out to a great baseball game, golf match, or his San Diego State Aztecs.  I just sit on the couch for seconds then off doing something always something when I am in this mode.  My jaw feels tense, my insides feel like I am on the starting line for a big race, my eyes move too quickly, I talk way too much and read too much.  I know it is draining on my body.  It wears it out.  I know all of this.  But how can I make it stop?  So far in my 16 years of dealing with Bipolar... it just doesn't stop.  I have to adjust.  ADJUST ~  the word of my life.  I am always having to adjust ~ like daily.  At 36 I feel like I have lived a number of lives already with all that I have done.  Matt wants me to rest more.  How do I do that?  REST.  Matt give me that NOTHING BOX!  Now I am going to bed and try try try to sleep.

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