|Matt in his NOTHING BOX!|
Tonight is one of those nights where my brain is racing like 200 miles an hour. Don't worry people I haven't skipped days of medication or changed anything for that matter. My brain is just on speed mode. Yes I must admit I like it when I am like this during the day because I get a ton done. More than most if I am honest. As for the down side though I can't get it to quiet at night. I just took sleeping meds. So far no luck. If feels like I could go on a 10 mile run, come back scrub the entire house, weed the yard, cook a feast, well do anything for that matter. Stop ~ don't worry I will do none of the above. I know that is the mania part of my brain just talking away. It would be nice to have a nothing box. Where my brain would just relax and not think of anything for like a single moment. My best friend Carrie always jokes about a nothing box. I WANT THAT! Can I buy one somewhere. That would be nice. How much do they cost? Oh, silly me they are not real or maybe they are? I can hear Matt snoring away. He must have a awesome nothing box. I think he goes there while he zones out to a great baseball game, golf match, or his San Diego State Aztecs. I just sit on the couch for seconds then off doing something always something when I am in this mode. My jaw feels tense, my insides feel like I am on the starting line for a big race, my eyes move too quickly, I talk way too much and read too much. I know it is draining on my body. It wears it out. I know all of this. But how can I make it stop? So far in my 16 years of dealing with Bipolar... it just doesn't stop. I have to adjust. ADJUST ~ the word of my life. I am always having to adjust ~ like daily. At 36 I feel like I have lived a number of lives already with all that I have done. Matt wants me to rest more. How do I do that? REST. Matt give me that NOTHING BOX! Now I am going to bed and try try try to sleep.