Friday, March 2, 2012

I Didn't win THE GOLD ~ But something much more important ~

Photograph taken for the Moscow Paper ~ The last for my sports career

Yes it may seem odd that I am writing about sports.  I can't sleep with a darn with my mind racing in a million different directions.  I just finished the movie Moneyball.  If you have not seen it ~ trust me watch.  It is a movie about heart, a different belief system, how to think outside the box, how to win without all the money!  I really thought my life was going to be about winning the gold medal, yes in the Olympics...where else and getting all the money!  I used to write in my journal late every night on how I was going to get there, which school I might sign with, then yes making it to the last level ~ THE GOLD.  Well as you well know I didn't get anywhere close to that dream.  It was crushed by a little thing called Bipolar.  I didn't sign up for this life!  The one of stress, worry, crying daily, feeling like I am on speed, then the next moment wanting to end it all.  Yes I got the gold prize for winning Bipolar 1 - yes the severe kind.  Who knew though that by winning this illness I would WIN the lottery of all husband Matt, my daughter Allie, and a relationship with Christ.  That my friends is better than any gold medal hanging in a case.  I will keep helping others with this rotten illness because I want to WIN this battle.  I want to conquer and crush it.  I want the rest of America to accept it and not fear it.  So with all the sports stuff way down deep inside me I will run faster in that last 100 meters cross the tape once again but not on the track ~ but one of beating this stigma.  I will raise the bar to new heights. Watch out America here I come!

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