Oh MAN ~ Wishing I was a real musician!

Every since I was little, mom had me playing the piano.  I loved it growing up and still do!  I can play alright but when ya through in the singing...total disaster!  I am one of those American Idol try out people that can't hear themselves sing.  Yes that would be me.  Although, at nineteen when I had my first manic episode I used to sing at the local bar in my bathing suit packing in the crowds...obviously it was not for my talent.  I had told my parents that I was going off to Hollywood to be a singer.  Glad I ran into my bodyguard Matt!  My favorite music to play currently is Sara Bareilles.  NOW that chick can play.  Went to see her last year live...INCREDIBLE.  I also like to play the guitar.  I am self taught.  I sound like Phoebe on friends...you know "Smelly Cat."  Oh yeah baby that would be me too...if a coffee shop ever let me in the door.  Which reminds me one time I was playing with a couple.  I gave them massages in turn they let me play guitar with them.  We wanted to start up playing in a coffee shop...yeah never worked out when the husband hit on me!  Probably for the best right....me actually playing for a live audience would have been a complete mess for sure!  So I play for myself and sing as loud and off tune as I want AND drive Matt and Allie bonkers.  In church Matt is always giving me that look...you know the one that says "Mag quiet down...VERY OFF KEY.  Okay Allie is playing freeze tag with me and Matt has his football on so need to go feed these guys before everyone get food grumpy.  Maggie OUT!

Maggie's Runaway Mind World!: Thrift Store Laughs!

Maggie's Runaway Mind World!: Thrift Store Laughs!: This afternoon I called my friend Tara and off we went diving into the thrift stores. I have to admit it propelled me into a happy laughing...

Thrift Store Laughs!

This afternoon I called my friend Tara and off we went diving into the thrift stores.  I have to admit it propelled me into a happy laughing place!  I bought this silly hat for the next DOWNpour of So Cal...when ever that may be.  It is like 80 flipping degrees out. I was in my Ugg boots and feet were HOT.  Anyway this hat was  a buck...got it for a steal of .50 over much haggling with a small tiny asian lady that wanted her dollar!  I wanted the skirt too but she wanted 28 bucks...What the heck.  No way. No deal.  I was like yeah for 5.  Also found a frog ceramic sandwich I wanted to buy...but to expensive.  Thought it would be a good gag gift for one of my many friends birthdays.  I didn't want to spend 3 bucks though.  I did buy a nice lamp but at a fancy shop but it was so cute...I will love it for life.  I love the music playing in the thrift shop.  It was like Katy Perry, Pink, and Black Eyed Peas.  Shopping in some kind of night club or something.  Good people watching there too.  If you have never done it - TRY IT.  It is way fun!  Maggie

This is where I grew up.  My family is all on dad's train.  Dad is there up front on his fun toy!  I can't wait to see him.  We are headed up to Jamestown next week for 3 days.  My mom will be out of town helping my grandpa of 100 years old in AZ but I do get to spend time with dad and my in-laws.  I grew up in paradise.  We didn't have the train when I was little but dad always said how someday he would have Hurst LAND ~ and well obviously he built it.  My family always says stuff and then they do it!  


I was hoping last night I wouldn't have to take sleeping aids....darn didn't happen.  At 2am wide awake and had to take that darn little blue pill.  Now in a fog haze.  At least I can go sleep for a while and try to get alive by this afternoon!  Working on my client last night helped a lot.  It is nice to still be doing a bit of my old work.  I ran a day spa (tiny one) called Maggie's Skin Care for 7 years ~ so it is a nice outlet to have one client left from the old days.  Nice to have cash in my wallet too.  


So I have 5 days until HOME.  I am hoping that I will get my sleep back and anxiety level down.  Hard to do anything without having the proper sleep.  I am like a baby.  NEED tons of rest, food, bath, rest.  Kind of hard to do when your an adult though.  Bipolar 1 is very I MEAN very hard to manage.  So baby steps to get to next Thursday when ranch time comes.  I like to think of the movie What About BOB.  Hilarious movie.  "Baby steps to the bus, Baby steps to holding Gill the fish, Baby steps to Dr. Marvins house..."  Yes it is all about Baby steps to get to where I need to go.  Maggie OUT

Family ~ What I rely on the most...

Okay so today was a tough one.  First of all I couldn't sleep so I had to take my sleeping medication.  AND that leads to a tough day ahead.  I knew getting up was going to be hell and trying to make my day go was going to be a challenge.  I did wake up in a total fog.  Somehow got a quick bath, packed Allie her lunch, got her ready for school, and then drove to school.  Fell like my insides might fall out along the way.  When my anxiety gets that bad driving is a hard task!  Also today was my day to work in the classroom.  I usually do two hours but today the teacher needed us longer.  Another setback.  By 11:30 I was DONE.  I couldn't cancel on my friends birthday lunch so I dragged myself there.  I was hungry which made me more angry.  So hard to listen to everyone talk about stuff.  Could hardly concentrate with a group.  So I managed to talk with one of my friends next to me.  That worked.  Got through the lunch then back to Allie's school and still felt terrible.  Matt knew as soon as he walked in it was one of "THOSE DAYS"  and really helped out.  I was able to lay down for a bit which is good.  Now resting for my work tonight.  I still do massage for one client I have had for 10 years.  Mrs. Bunn and I are good for each other so it will be nice to end a rough day giving someone some relaxation.   So glad to have Matt and Allie at the end of the day.  Yes my life is tough when I felt like I did today...but they make my life so worth it! Maggie

NEW YEARS! SWEETNESS ~ WAIT SURVIVAL.....

Oh man the start of the New Year!  YUCK and Yeah I guess depending on how I look at it.  I am feeling kind of crappy just because I am....but trying to see the light of all the good that I might do this year.  Bipolar is such a difficult illness to live with because of the simple fact...it doesn't go away no matter how hard you try.  AND let me tell you I am the queen bee at winning until I beat something.  That is why this bugs me so.  Yes I can manage my illness and do pretty good but I can't conquer it completely.  I love to wipe things out....DANG.  What I will do this year is keep getting out there to speak.  I am finding joy though my talks about my illness and how to laugh again no matter how hard the day may be.  I am hoping to get maybe paid for my talks....did 14 for free last year...so I think I just figure out how to get a buck or two.  Having no $$ gets old after a while!  Yes my husband does great providing for me.  I have a house to live in and food on the table but I am talking about making a little pocket change for myself.  Another goal is I am thinking about starting a radio program for mental health.  I am finding so many people want to know what I have to say about a lot of things so yeah maybe I will go there....we shall see won't we people!  I would also like to get my book published by a huge publisher!!  I mean really is that to much to ask ~ alright maybe a little.  I can't help it though I like to go BIG ~ HUGE ~ THE WOW FACTOR!  I want to go back to ITALY!! This pic was taken a little over a year ago In Florence.  I like to travel, in fact LOVE It.  And I need some cash to do it right.  So now off to work to get back to that picture....I know I AM SILLY.  I think seeing the world makes me appreciate the little things, distracts me from this BIPOLR 1 stuff that I deal with daily,  and just gives me a new perspective every time I see something new.  Did this New Years writing go anywhere ~ well probably not...just a BP gal rambling away my thoughts.  Maggie

Who I Aspire To Be?

Who do I aspire to be like?  That is an easy answer for me!  My mother.  My mom is one of the people that can do anything and everything!  She is like a super hero.  When I was little I would always be in awe by the stories she told us, how she taught us be use our imaginations, to get outside and explore, how to use common sense, how to be have strong character, be confident, shake peoples hands, be polite, have manners, and to live life to the fullest.  With all her hard work raising my brother, sister, and I she accomplished all of it.  I wouldn't be the person I am today without all her amazing guidance.  I survived two life changing episodes that could have destroyed my life in more ways than one.  But because of all the tools mom taught me in life I came out of the depth of hell as strong as an ox and the courage of a lion!  My mom and I get into little rough patches once in a while but so does everybody right!  We always get through it though.  Most of the time it is me taking things a little too serious.  I don't know where I would be today without her.  I hope throughout my life I can be just like mom.